Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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