remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
