when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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