It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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