dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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