I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
