How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
