I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Can I color on your dick again?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
