Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
a search helicopter?!
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
