I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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