I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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