Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
