im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
