My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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