So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
