I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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