i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize