is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
