Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
