Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
