anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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