if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
