The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
