just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
