she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
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