I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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