She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
