So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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