ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize