toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
zippers are such a cool invention
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize