Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
