it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
