"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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