I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
