Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
The maid of honor just puked.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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