Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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