OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
