Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
