Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize