margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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