There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
