Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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