Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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