Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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