I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
