How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
