Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
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