Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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