dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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