So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
