I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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