He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize