i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
