4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
