it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
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