Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
