Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
