I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Randomize
