I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
