help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
