oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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