So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
