I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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