I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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