when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize