Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
