My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
