I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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