I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Randomize
