Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
