When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
